Wednesday, December 14, 2016

How to fix a car, and what's the Emergency Brake for - Mitch Hedberg

I don’t know how to fix a car. If my car breaks down, and the gas tank does not say “E”, I’m fucked. But if the gas tank says “E”, I get all cocky; “I got ths one, don’t worry about it. Lemme get out the toolbox, AKA. ‘wallet.'”

I'm always on the road, and I drive rental cars. Sometimes I don't know what's going on with the car, and I'll drive for ten miles with the emergency brake on. That doesn't say a lot for me, but it doesn't say a lot for the emergency brake. What kind of emergency is this? I need to not stop now. It's not really an emergency brake, it's an emergency make-the-car-smell-funny lever.

Mitch Hedberg, died in 2005. Enjoy his jokes ranked from #257 to the best at #1, at

Or read some funny shit about fixing your own car


  1. That brake is a parking brake..Misnamed emergency brake.
    They are not designed to slow you down.. Only to hold the vehicle from rolling when parked..

    1. that depends on the vehicle... but it was originated as an E brake, not a parking brake... that was a hold over from the days before "juice" brakes, and manufacturers realized that the new hydraulic systems sucked, failed, and killed people, but those ol mechanical brakes never failed to at the very least help slow up down. Now though, they only make strange smells when you forget to release them. Seriously, how many stick shifts are on the road compared to automatics? 2%? less? No automatic "needs" a parking brake, they have a parking sprag. So, not misnamed. They are meant to slow you down, and I disagree with you mostly. They do a pretty good job of keeping a vehicle from rolling when parked, but, that is what the "Park" setting of the transmission is for. So, E-brake. However, what really got me was that you thought I didn't know what the hell a parking brake/ emergency brake was for... are you effing kidding me? What is the title of this damn blog? Whenever you want to test me on car knowledge, bring it on. But you'll have to take my car knowledge test in return. I'm no ASE master tech, there aren't many questions about engineering at all... any car guy oughta be able to get at least 1/2 of my questions right

  2. Automotive ME's freak out when you call them emergency brakes , so I keep doing it .