Tuesday, December 12, 2017

Funniest thing I've read all week, the 1st night of driving for Lyft

First night, July 2013, Steve Y.

It was midnight, during Comic-Con, and I received a Lyft Plus request in Pacific Beach. When I rolled up, six young men jumped into my Jeep. They all looked like they were in their early 20s; they appeared to have been "pre-gaming," too.

I welcomed them on board, "Aloha! Welcome aboard the Luau Lyft. What are you boys celebrating?"

A few of them shouted out, "It's our buddy's 21st birthday and we're gonna get him drunk in the Gaslamp!" I dashed out to the back of my ride, grabbed six leis - all different colors - returning with a shout of, "Happy birthday, everybody gets lei'd!"

We drop onto Sixth Avenue and catch a red light at F Street, right in front of (American Comedy Club). I look out at the crosswalk and see three young ladies walking in front of us. Two of them are paired up; the third one looked so faded she was walking a little crooked. (The drunk one) approached my vehicle, noticing the huge pink 'stache on my front grill (a signature of Lyft vehicles at the time). She looks at the 'stache; she looks up at me and the boy in the front seat. She looks back down to the 'stache and grabs it.

She begins to roll the 'stache between both hands, while licking her lips and staring us down with a naughty smile on her face. Then, she drops the 'stache, pumps her fist in the air and screams, "I want a mustache ride!"

Now, she begins to crawl on my hood - kinda like the scene in the old '80s Duran Duran video, Hungry Like a Wolf. The boys begin to chant, "Jump in the Jeep! Jump in the Jeep! Jump in the Jeep!" Her two lady friends look back and run over to peel her off of my hood. They exit to the sidewalk, the lights turn green; the fella in the front and I have a look of deer in headlights.

He asks me softly, "Does this happen every night?" I answer like a teenager, "I dunno. This is my first night. But, if this is what it's like, I'm driving every night!"


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