Saturday, January 31, 2009

Car acronyms, and what a car says about it's owner

Automobile Manufacturer's Acronyms

Another Crummy, Useless, Rotten Automobile
Asia's Curse Upon Rural America
Awful,Crappy,Unreliable, Rusty Automobile
Automobile Causes Universal Road Accidents
All Cars Usually Require Adjustment
A Case of a Useless Requested Acronym?
Always Catching Up, Rarely Ahead

All Makes Combined
A Major Cost
A Mutated Car
Another Major Catastrophe
Another Mess of Crap

Accelerates Under Demonic Influence
Always Unsafe Designs Implemented

Babbling Mechanical Wench
Beastly Mechanical Wonder
Big Money Waste
Bought My Wife
Brings Me Women
Broken Monstrous Wonder
Beautiful Mechanical Wonder
Big Money Works
Brutal Money Waster

Butt Ugly Import Car Killer
Butt Ugly Indestructable Compact Killer
Bought Understanding It Can't Kickbutt

Crazy Aunt Drives It Like A Lunatic Across the Country
Car And Driver Indicates Lady Luck Abandoned Consumer

Can't America Make A Real One?

Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips
Car Has Extensive Rattle On Long Trips
Can Hear Every Valve Rattle Over Loud Engine Tapping
Crappy Hot-Running Engines, Very Rusted Out, Lose Every Time
Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time
Constantly Having Every Vehicle Recalled Over Lousy Engineering Techniques
Crap Heap Enormously Vunerable Runs On Luck Every Time

Charged HEaVilY
Cheapest Heap Ever Visioned Yet
Cruddy Hick Engine Very Yucky
Crap Heap Enormously Vunerable Yearly

Car Having Really Yucky Stupid Lazy Engine Runs
Could Have Remained Your Sickly Lame Elderly Relative's
Collection of Half Realized Yet Somehow Likeable Engineering Research
Company Has Recommended You Start Learning Engine Repair

Cherry Hot Rod You Can't Outrun
Chrysler Has Run Your Chebby Off

Crap Interior Terrible Road-holding Owned Entirely by Nutters

Dead Or Dying Garbage Emitter
Drips Oil, Drops Grease, Everywhere
Dem Old Dudes Go Everywhere
Dangerous On Days Gears Engage
Dead On Delivery, Go Easy
Dead On Delivery, Guarantee Expired
Don't Over Drive Gutless Engine
Dear Old Dad's Garage Experiment

Every Day Something Else Leaks

Failure In Automotive Technology
Fix It Again Tony
Fix It Alltha Time

Fffed over rebuilt Dodge
Flip over read directions
Fix Or Repair Daily
Found On Rockville Dump
Fails On Rainy Days
First On Race Day
Fourth On Race Day (of the "Big Three", fourth is pretty bad!)
First On Road to Dump
First On Rust and Deterioration
Found On Road Dead
Found On Rubbish Dump
Four Old Rusty Doors
Driver Returns On Foot
Fault Of R&D
Fast Only Rolling Downhill
Freaky Obsolete Racing Device
Fork Over Repair Dough
Frequent Opinion: Really Disappointed
Fumes and Odors Readily Detectable
Forward Only, Reverse Defective
Forced On Reluctant Drivers

Get Everyone Out
Grotesque Engineering Outdated
Getting Even Ourway
Get 'Er Outtahere
Good Engineering Overlooked

Get a Mopar!
Grungy Merchandise
General Maintenance
Great Mistake
Gluteus Maximus
Grossly Misconceived

Garage Mechanics Companion
General Mass of Crap
Generally Mediocre Cars
Got a Mechanic Coming
Great Muscle Cars
Gotta Mechanic Coming?

Get Tickets Often
Get Tires Often

How Odd-No Damn Acceleration
Hell Of a Nice Damn Automobile
Had One Never Did Again
Happy Owners Never Drive Anything else
Hallmark of Non-Descript Automobiles

Hope You Understand Nothing's Driveable And Inexpensive

Idiot Runs Over Cats
Ignorant Redneck Owns Car
I'm Really Out of Cash
I Race Other Cars
I Race On Credit
It's Really Only a Camaro

Jags Always Guarantee Unlimited Astronomical Repairs

Just Eats Every Part
Just Everyone Elses Parts
Just Empty Every Pocket
Junk Engineering Executed Poorly

Long Term Debt
Lousy Transportation Dammit
Long Term Disability

Most Always Dangerously Zipping Along
Model All Zoids Drive Aimlessly
Making A Zillion Dollars Annually

Money Envy Reliably Causes every Derogatory Expletive to Surface

Monkeys Engineered This Road Obstacle
Mileage's Everything; Torque, Running's Out
Mangey Environmentalist Transporter Rusts On
My Endeared Transportatin Rusted Out
Martha, Every Thing Rattles Off!
May Endure Teasing, Ridicule, and Ostracism

Might Go
Mobile Garbage
Money Guzzler
Money Grabber

Might Go Backwards

My Intention: Always To Accelerate

May Involve Turbos, Suck Unless Boost Is Seriously High Inside
Management Incessantly Tolerates Socially Unacceptable Behavior, Ignoring Sexual Harassment Incidents

Most Often Proven At the Racetrack
Most Over Powered And Respected
Massively Over Powered And Respected
Mounds Of Power And Revs
Move Over, Pentastar Approaching Rapidly
MOst Perfect Automobiles for Racing
Masters Of Performance and Racing
My Old Pig Always Roars
More Overall Performance And Reliability
Move Over People Are Racing
(of course these are all complimentary, I own a 69 R/T!)

Massively Ugly Sh*tpile That's Always No Good
Motor Under Strain, Transmission Almost No Good

Never I Shall Steal Another Nissan
Now in Stupid Shape, Always Nasty

One Leak, Dead Starter
Older, Louder, Dumber, Slower
Obnoxious, Loud Death Sled

Oh Look, Dammit! Some Massive Oil Burning Idiot's Leaking Everything
Old Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others Behind Infuriatingly Late Everyday
Overpriced, Leisurely Driven Sedan Made Of Buick's Irregular Leftover Equipment

Put In Nickel To Operate
Performance Is Not The Object
Put In New Transmission Often
Paid Inspector Nicely To Overlook
Pyrotechnics Is Naturally The Object

Police Laugh, Young Men Ogle, all Underestimating This Heap

Poor Old Nitwit Thinks It's A Cadillac

Proof Of Rich Spoiled Children Having Everything
Piece Of Retired Scrap, Continually High Expense
Puts Out Really Smoky Carbonate Hazardous Emissions
Phased Out Racer-Still Can't Hold Engine
Please Overlook Really Sh*tty Cardboard Horrible Engine
Pulled Over Regularly So Cops Have Enough
Pity Only Rich Suckers Can Have 'Em

Plainly Runs Only By Exception

Retarded Engine No Acceleration Ugly Lump of Trash

Send Another Automobile Back
Slick As A Brick
Swedish Auto - Always Broken
Swedish Automobiles Always Breakdown
Swedish Auto's Are Best
Sad Attempt At Beauty
Sorry Auto, Always Broken
Shape Appears Ass-Backward

Sorry About That Unexpected Recall Notice

Screwed Up Beyond All Repair Usually

Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto
Taking Our Yen Out -- Thanks All
Transportation Of Young Or Tasteless Airheads
Torturous On Your Old Tired Ass
The One You Ought To Avoid

The Risk Involving Useless Machinery Pays Heavily
This Really Is Unreliable Man, Please Help!
Tried Repairing It Until My Parts Hurt

Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object

Virtually Worthless

Stop Those Pistons
Never Any Parts Available

What a Car Really Says About Its Owner
Acura Integra- I have always wanted to own the Buick of sports cars
Acura Legend- I'm too bland for German cars
Acura NSX- I am impotent
Audi 90- I enjoy putting out engine fires
Buick Park Avenue- I am older than 34 of the 50 states
Cadillac Eldorado- I am a very good Mary Kay salesman
Cadillac Seville- I am a pimp
Chevrolet Camaro- I enjoy beating up people
Chevrolet Chevette- I like seeing people's reactions when I tell them I have a 'Vette
Chevrolet Corvette- I'm in a mid-life crisis
Chevrolet El Camino- I am leading a militia to overthrow the government
Chrysler Cordoba- I dig the rich Corinthian leather
Datsun 280Z- I have a kilo of cocaine in my wheel well
Dodge Dart-I teach third grade special education and I voted for Eisenhower
Dodge Daytona- I delivered pizza for four years to get this car
Ford Escort - I'm a red-headed nanny
Ford Fairmont- (See Dodge Dart)
Ford Mustang- I slow down to 85 in school zones
Ford Crown Victoria- I enjoy having people slow to 55mph & change lanes when I pull up behind them
Geo Storm- I will start the 11th grade in the Fall.
Geo Tracker- I will start the 12th grade in the Fall.
Honda del Sol- I have always said, half a convertible is better than no convertible at all
Honda Civic- I have just graduated and have no credit
Honda Accord- I lack any originality and am basically a lemming.
Infiniti Q45- I am a physician with 17 malpractice suits pending.
Isuzu Impulse-I do not give a rip about J.D. Power or his reports.
Jaguar XJ6-I am so rich I will pay 60K for a car that is in the shop 280 days per year.
Kia Sephia- I learned nothing from the failure of Diahatsu Corp.
Lincoln Town Car- I live for bingo and covered dish suppers
Mercury Grand Marquis- (See above)
Mercedes 500SL- I will beat you up if you ask me for an autograph.
Mercedes 560SEL- I have a daughter named Bitsy and a son named Cole.
Mazda Miata- I do not fear being decapitated by an 18- wheeler
MGB- I am dating a mechanic
Mitsubishi Diamante- I don't know what it means either
Nissan 300ZX- I have yet to complete my divorce proceedings.
Oldsmobile Cutlass- I just stole this car and I'm going to make a....
Peugeot 505 Diesel- I am on the EPA's Ten Most Wanted List
Plymouth Neon- I sincerely enjoy doing the Macarena
Pontiac Trans AM- I have a switchblade in my sock
Porsche 944- I am dating big haired women that otherwise would be inaccessible to me
Rolls Royce Silver Shadow- I think Pat Buchannon is a tad bit too liberal
Saturn SC2- (See Honda Civic)
Subaru Legacy- I have always wanted a Japanese car even more
Toyota Camry- I am still in the closet
Volkswagon Beetle- I still watch Partridge Family reruns
Volkswagon Cabriolet- I am out of the closet
Volkswagon Microbus- I am tripping right now
Volvo 740 Wagon- I am frightened of my wife


1 comment:

  1. Correction:

    Nissan 300ZX- Hi, I'm a porn star.