Saturday, February 22, 2014

how to sell a van with humor

Attention hippies , weirdos , circus freaks , Scooby Doo fans , people from Colorado and those recently released for good behavior.

 I am selling this cab over engine 1967 Chevy cargo van so that you can do whatever freaky stuff the voices in your head tell you to do and your therapist says you shouldn’t. This van was once painted like a Scooby Doo Mystery Machine van, and now it sits in the driveway waiting for someone to fill it with peace and love so that it can ramble down the roads again.

 I don’t have a title, so you don’t have to worry about the “man” bringing you down or keeping tabs on you via his paperwork, and it has a low mileage greenhouse gas generating 350 Chevy 260hp GM crate engine, Edelbrock aluminum intake and carburetor, rebuilt three speed column shift transmission, rebuilt radiator, all under the “dog house” that also makes a great place for you to hide your weed.

I don’t dig on vans so if you do, this one can be your righteous and mother beautiful ride. On a positive note, the body has a bit of rust for you types that like that sort of natural returning to Earth , I don’t bathe or comb my hair look.

It also has a rebuilt 3.42 gear ratio rear axle(you could hide your weed in there too). Keep in mind that this thing is huge on the inside and you can transport a LOT of weed in it.

The first picture is what this van looked like before the Man at the corporation rained downed us for having this van painted like their copyrighted image and forced us into removing the paint.

Bring a trailer to float this baby home because she hasn’t been started in several years and the fuel has gone sour. We had rebuilt the brakes with new shoes, springs and cylinders, but time has brought them down from sitting. For you antisocial types or the romantically challenged, rope and duct tape must be purchased separately .

 For you Renaissance festival types, there is room enough for a mattress in the back that a Lord can layeth with thy wench that thy Lady need not knoweth about.

 $1300 firm is a steal. Wow man, think about the possibilities.

 This van is also great for smuggling Mexicans, drugs or running armament. However, most people frown on its use as a school/day care bus, so you may not want to use it for that.

 The views expressed in this ad do not necessarily reflect the views of the seller. Seller does not condone the sale or use of weed, Mexicans, rope or duct tape. Libyan terrorists types need not apply. Take your plutonium elsewhere.

 All joking aside, if you are interested in the van, pick up the phone and call me. Yes, it is for sale.

Found on


  1. This is brilliantly written Jess, and the seller really slams the counter culture with his clever writing, but I see a major discrepancy in the two pictures. He's selling the Chevy van, claiming it was painted like the Scooby-Doo Mystery Machine, until the "man" had him remove the paint job. And indeed there's a picture of a van on a trailer painted that way. Problem is the one on the trailer is NOT a Chevy. It's a Ford Econoline van somewhere from the early to mid '60's. I know because I owned one. Maybe the seller figured the potential buyer, emerging from a thick smokey cloud, would be too stoned to notice.

    1. that photo with the beautiful women is one I ran across by coincidence and added... it wasn't part of the sellers ad,... but it IS a Scooby Doo van, with beautiful women! It had to go in. Confusing and distracting more than helping huh?

    2. Not at all Jess, it's cool. I really loved that little econoline I had. It was a '63 with a 250 c.i.d. between the seats. Wasn't very good in the winter unless it had a full load in the cargo bay. But the engine provided good heat with the heater on low. I used it to haul a couple of rock bands gear around in the early 70's. I was also their agent getting them gigs.